Metro 2033
Date: Thursday, April 22 @ 20:50:09 EDT
Topic: FPS reviews

The Russians are at it again trying to make video games but this time it's from some of the guys who developed Stalker. Now, this is a fucking bad sign because Stalker was a huge bug-ridden piece of shit and the developers each should have been forced to swallow a full cum load from an elephant for that travesty. However, this game isn't that bad even if it can be fucking annoying at times and the graphics are pretty bitchin. So this is a survival-horror first person shooter which takes place in the subways of Moscow because of some bullshit happening on the Earth.

Graphics: The graphics in this game are absolutely fucking amazing. The fully dynamic lighting helps to add a metric anal-ton of atmosphere to the game, with every lightsource acting as it should. Without any lights in the area, the game will be absolutely pitch black, e.g. there are no lightmaps or pre-defined light sources. This helps the game to look fucking amazing and displays some of the most amazing shadowing and a lighting that we have seen. The motion blur in the game also looks really fucking smooth. This is all mixed with the huge amount of high resolution textures which have a shit-ton of detail all throughout the game and the environments which are filled with detail. The human camps in the subway will be full of different markets which are all extremely detailed and filled with dozens of people. Thus, the environment feels like one where people actually live and have been. The animations in the game are pretty fucking good too but nothing particularly stands out. Even the outdoor environments, look amazing with the end of the game allowing you to see the entire city from the top of a tower. In essence, the graphics are pretty fucking good but this is the best part of the game.

Sound: So either they hired one voice actor to do all of the english-russian voices, or russians all sound the fucking same. How the hell can anyone tell the difference between them? Every single Russian in this game has the generic Russian accent, all sound like the same guy is doing the voice acting. God damn, Russian people are some of the most useless human beings on this planet. Speaking of which, why do all these dirty Eastern Europeans read this site? The music is a typical classical score and doesn't really stand out amongst the entire game. The sound effects for the weapons and enemies are also mediocre as nothing will really stand out from the normal. The beasts in this game sound exactly like any generic beast you would see in any other game. It doesn't help that the Russians all sound like each other either.

Gameplay: The gameplay in the game is the fucking definition of hit and miss. First of all the character in this game feels clunky as hell. Everything he does feels like he is super fucking heavy like a 300 pound fatass. So the game has better and better weapons that you get throughout the game, medkits, gasmasks and silent weapons that you can use. The pistols are all pistols with just added bullshit like a scope or silence, and all the assault rifles are the same except eventually they do more damage. There is no point in buying any of this shit because you will just get it for free later on in the game. Don't be a dumb cunt and just buy a ton of ammo instead you so can kick ass. Also, get the armor because it makes you suck less ass in the game. So there are times when you are going through the tunnels, or going outside that are more action-oriented and you are just blowing the shit out of the beasts with the retarded auto-shotgun, or some other clunky ass weapon. These parts are all right, but once again THE GAME FUCKING DOES BULLSHIT STEALTH CRAP WHEN ITS NOT A STEALTH GAME. If you want to fucking implement stealth do it in a game like Deus Ex, where they fucking did it right. So you can knock out lights, sneak around and stab people but it's fucking awful because it's based upon faggot TRIAL AND ERROR. FUCKING STOP IT. The game has checkpoint saving so you have to keep fucking trying and restart this faggot turd of a game to find out which way is the correct way to kill people. Never put checkpoint saves in a stealth game or you should be forced to be executed, holocaust style. Anyways, the action gameplay is pretty decent and the exploring is fun but the stealth sections of the game are more frustrating than a hooker who doesn't do anal. I FUCKING PAID YOU, DO IT.

Story: The story in this game makes absolutely no sense. So everyone is living underground because some bullshit happened on the surface. Anyways, apparently your gay tunnel is under attack by some faggot DARK ONES. WOW GREAT NAME. What the fuck are dark ones? Black people? Black people are attacking your subway station? Anyways, so you fucking go all around these tunnels to find some sort of help. Eventually you find some old missile base and shoot the missiles off the top of a tower onto a big fire demon hole in the ground and it's over. Thank god human weapons work against demons....the fuck was that hole? So you stopped the black people and save your station.

The gameplay is allright sometimes and the graphics are pretty nice 6/10

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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