Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Date: Tuesday, December 01 @ 01:58:00 EST
Topic: Action Game Reviews

I love Star Wars but this game is like stabbing me in the eyeballs with the Phantom Menace. Seriously, will LucasArts stop letting terrible developers create games? I was expected something with awesome combat like Jedi Knight with sweet fucking lightsaber combat, throwing people off a cliff, and plenty of awesome powers and puzzles to use. Instead what I got was a 22Gig pile of shit with the worst controls on this planet. This turd needed to stay on the consoles so those shitbags could suffer playing this.

Graphics: These are the best part of the game but again they are fucking average in all respects...why are they completely average, you might ask? Well because it was released on shitty consoles which are holding graphics hostage in 2006. So, again, like every shitty console game that comes out, instead of rendering the cutscenes in the game they do it with BINK and fucking just record in-game scenes. STOP IT. I'm tired of this dog shit because it always looks worse than the game itself. Although, the game has decent graphics. They are pretty average all-around. Your character looks like a bald queer, and Darth Vader is lacking huge amounts of detail. He is just a black blob with a fucking lightbright on his chest..they could at least have made him look badass. The environments are pretty much the same throughout the whole game...just kill abunch of storm troopers, and then some jedi, and them robots. The same shit through the whole variety in enemies or in levels. Every level is just a generic space ship or typical planet we have seen before. The physics are kind of neat until you realize the controls suck dick for them. Boring Graphics.

Sound: Holy shit is the voice acting AWFUL. Your character sounds like a happy-go-sucky queer fagbag who needs to die. He definitely doesn't sound anything like a badass killer unless your version of a killer is some guy who likes dicks in his butt. Then there is some shitty voice acting from all the other stupid characters you run into and the dialog is turd city. Every line in this game is just one shank to my fucking ear drums after another. Please choke whoever designed this audio. The music is the standard Star Wars fare with nothing new or interesting to mention.

Gameplay: So here I was thinking OH HELLS YEAH...sweet new Jedi Knight-like combat with all sorts of force powers to boot. Instead what I got was the most boring and fucking repetitive game in existence. So you play as this guy who holds his lightsaber backwards because he's a fucking faggot and wants to shove it up his ass. They had to make this turd city appeal to kids so he had to look badass by holding it backwards when the fact is it's dumb ass. Anyways, you just run all around and lightsaber abunch of enemies and then use some force powers. Oh did I mention the controls are TERRIBLE? When I'm trying to target an object to throw or anything...the mouse moves so fucking fast I can't aim at anything. The whole game is you just running around killing hordes of enemies. TALK ABOUT BORING. There is some one on one fights with jedis and a static cam but it's a snooze fest because the controls are awful. The force powers get old after five minutes and eventually are so powerful you don't even have to play the game except for tapping a button. You run around collecting gay orbs from your fallen enemies and use it for health and force mana I guess. Who cares...this game was a fucking snooze do the same shit five hundred million times with the same shit controls.

Story: You are some stupid assassin for Darth Vader but the Emperor doesn't know about you. You go on gay missions to do his work and then hit on this hot chick, end up betraying and ....sdfsdgfgfsgsdg OH SORRY... I fucking feel asleep on the keyboard because this game is a cum dumpster.

Please...Bioware...fix the Star Wars game series...we haven't seen anything good since Jedi Knight 4/10

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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