Date: Wednesday, September 16 @ 00:31:05 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews

First thing is first. This was the nickname for my cock and IO, the developers, stole it. Second thing is, this game isn't too bad. Finally something has been released which isn't a complete shit pile. It's such a relief I feel it makes my reviews biased as I get so discouraged and then something slightly above the level of hooker vomit comes out and I might throw it an extra point then it deserves. Just kidding, I'm fucking perfect and all my scores are right. If you think they are wrong, then you are fucking stupid. Anyways, this is a platformer action game and it's not too bad!

Graphics: So on a technical level this game pretty much looks like dog shit. Technically everything is kind of low-poly and the textures aren't really high resolution. However, the art style of the game really fits the atmosphere it's trying to make. Everything is very brightly colored, cell-shaded and very sharp looking. It creates a huge ass cartoony look that really fits the style of the game. The models are all pretty well designed having a shit ton of different animals from monkeys, gorillas, and other shit that are scattered all over. Also, the model design for the enemies is kind of lame. There is basically like five different enemy types, but some of the sword and bow enemies all look the same except for the harder ones are colored red. Really, would it be that fucking hard to make them a different color? The designs for all the different ninjas is pretty well done too although they are all fucking useless but we will get into that later. I can't tell whether or not the main ninja is a chick or a dude. It sounds like a chick but he doesn't have any tits. WHO THE FUCK DESIGNS ASEXUAL LOOKING CHARACTERS? Give him a fucking double chin with a 5 o clock shadow and a buldging package so we know the fucking gender. Anyways the environments are your typical snow, water, and grassy hill shit so while there is variety it's nothing unique. The game's graphics are pretty good looking but get a bit repetitive.

Sound: The voice acting in this game pretty much tells Asian people they all sound the same. Way to go you racist fucks. For the people who talk they pretty much all sound like the same fucking person! It's not bad voice acting and the dialog fits well with the game because it's shit for stupid ass children, but get some more voice actors. There really isn't much speech in the game anyways. The sounds for everything are pretty much standard fare but the music is actually really nice and atmospheric. So the audio isn't bad.

Gameplay: So this where the game is the best until it turns into a repetitive piece of shit. You play some ninja chasing after these evil shitheads. Apparentely they are fucking some stuff up so you have to stop them. You play this ninja with a badass sword, can cast various spells that you collect, create different potions with bullshit recipes you can buy, and go around beating the fuck out of things until the turn into shitty animals. The combat is pretty simply in that you can move around and dodge shit and you use your main attack or your stunning attack. The spells are all the typical shit from fireball (best spell), ice storm, slow down time and all the shit like that. Fireball is pretty much the best because you can kill a fuckton of guys at once. You run around attacking different camps, freeing your other ninjas, and then killing a huge fucking boss for each section. The boss fights are all fucking quick time events and easy as raping a small animal. You just press a series of buttons and bam they are all dead. Too bad they get fucking lamer as the game goes on. You go from fighting a big mother fucking with a big sword, to some guy with big fucking boat shoes that you have to break. Nothing like attacking some tall shoes to get my adrenaline going. Anyways the gameplay is pretty fun for awhile as you go around attacking these camps in different ways with your ninja abilites. However, it get's fucking OLD. I get bored after a half hour of playing because you attack the same retarded enemies over and over again. They throw in some variety with enemies that spawn other enemies! But wow does it get fucking lame. There is a handful of jumping puzzles that are all easy as shit and pretty much pointless. All the other ninjas besides the main one are useless because they all have gay fucking weapons and their power attack move sucks. They spin around or run really fast as a power attack. The main character on the other hand fucking stops time and time instantly kills a number of enemies (which increases as you level up). So besides the stupid stealth elements, and the useless other ninjas. The game is actually kind of fun to go around the levels fighting into the castle to defeat the big fucking bosses. However, it just gets fucking old.

Story: There are these big fucking storms right and they are pissing people off. So this karate master sends out his students to figure out what the fuck is going on. No surprise, they all fucking get caught because they are useless. Instead of the master going out and doing this shit himself, his lazy ass sends you to go do the hardwork while he eats a fucking sammich watching the baseball game. So he teaches you Kuji magic, you go attack these bitches, and then defeat them and everything is happy in the end. SPOILED AGAIN. HAHA FAGGOTS. It doesn't really matter though because the story was the standard fare bullshit. EVIL IS HERE, STOP IT, K THX FOR STOPPING IT. HERE IS SOME CREDITS.

They stole the name from my cock, but my cock is much less repetitive 6.5/10

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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