Date: Friday, July 10 @ 01:53:26 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews
Dice keeps just going downhill with another shitty release, and this time, IT IS FREE!!1!1!!!ONE11!.
Battlefield Heroes is a failure attempt to ripoff Team Fortress 2, a third person shooter that allows you to customize your own character! Yet again companies using the uncontrollable desire of humans to customize all they've got with their shitty taste. Specially when it comes to realism, I mean, have you ever seen a redhead NIGGER nazi soldier with a parrot over his shoulder? 'Cause I certainly haven't (at least not while sober).
Gameplay & Characters
The gameplay feels like an MMORPG (short for Monstruous Massive Obese Ridiculous PlayGame), with promising animations made by 6 year old chinese slaves, this game has everything to make you play until you die (in this case, you would kill yourself pretty quickly). It lags as hell, you take one of those slow stupid airplanes and you just keep warping, like you were colliding with something all the bloody time, don't even think about colliding with another player then, massive warping would be ensued. The game gives you three types of characters: Soldier, Gunner and Commando. The soldier and the gunner are 90% of player's choice, also, they are just about the same bullshit, both have fully automatic weapons, and both have explosive devices. The commando is an annoying little class, they can go completely invisible and stab you to death with their knives, they also has a faggot sniper rifle with tracer bullets that leave a smoke in the air for about 10 seconds, which was researched for years how much time it would be necessary for the enemy to be able to follow the tracer smoke and see where the sniper is, because as we all know, snipers always want to be seen. In order to play the game, you have to access their website and click on the faggot button "play now", they probably take a lot of money out of the visits made to the website, the server filtering system is amazing though, YOU CAN'T CHOOSE IN WHICH SERVER YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY, unless you join the server your friend is currently playing at.
The jeep is great for lazy fat faggots like you that can't bother to walk a couple of blocks towards the next flag. The tank looks like a little toy for children, the main cannon fires a yellow ball that falls to the ground like it would weight a million tons, and you have to take around 3 direct hits with the main cannon to kill someone, even the sniper rifle when used correctly can kill faster. The airplane is an underpowered little piece of shit, the only thing you can kill properly with it is another airplane, no matter how much you shoot, an infantryman with full health will not die, but you can always ram though, and you also have to dive 3 times shooting the shit out of a tank to kill it, also, it's slow as hell, and ANYTHING can shoot it down, you can spit on it and it will explode.
Apparently all characters are a copy of their players, they are retarded faggots with brain diseases, they can't speak, they just hum and say weird things, or maybe they are just schizophrenic whores that invented their own language, which still consists of dumb sounds, but look on the bright side, THEY CAN WHISTLE!1!11!. The tank's main cannon fire sound seems to have been stolen from a movie made for children, it's something like *pop*, and that's just one of the childist sounds you can encouter in the game.
Apparently the developers have some sort of sexual attraction to whistles, because all the musics consist of WHISTLES, what the fuck? I bet they get a boner when they listen to a man whistle.
Well, it's fucking obvious that something was wrong when you saw a game being released by the consumer whores at EA as "completely free". You can't buy almost ANYTHING unless you pay with real money, there's just one set of clothes you can buy with in-game money, and that's basically a michael jackson white suit with white hat and stuff, it kinda fits the game, a game made for children, with Michael Jacksons on it. The variety of items is minimum, and the variety of weapons is close to null, there's just about 2 different weapons you can buy for each type, AND THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME.
Well, what do you expect? It's a game made for children, the graphics fucking suck, and it misses the most important part of every single shooting game: GORE! Also, years of evolution in gaming physics have been denied, we even finally evolved to a new level above ragdoll, we reached the euphoria era, but no, the game does not even have ragdoll, just another ridiculous death animation.
It sucks overall, don't play it, don't give EA any of your money for this piece of shit -1/10