Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood
Date: Tuesday, July 07 @ 00:37:57 EDT
Topic: FPS reviews

The fucking shitty ass Chrome engine is still chugging away, but actually it looks pretty damn good here. Anyways, instead of progressing a fucking story it's a new trend to make a prequel. So you get to see the history of the reverend, except he is more of a badass in this game. They fixed many of the problems with the first game which is a fucking relief because it makes the game infinitely more badass. And thank fucking god it's a western theme which is barely used, however the next one will probably be another fucking World War 2 game.

Graphics: So the graphics in this game are fucking fantastic looking actually. The game mostly spans over the shitty south of the United States, and parts of you are always looking at desert-like climates. However, the game has some fucking ass sucking good scenes. Most of the environments consist of western towns, canyons, gorges, rivers, forests, and quarries. The maps are always fucking bright and very open which is a change of pace. Don't get the wrong idea, the levels are as linear as a line of coke on a hookers ass. However, some of the huge detailed environments such as this huge fucking canyons with a big quarry in it is really impressive scenes. The scenery changes enough to keep things interesting enough which is good as well. The models are varied enough to where it doesn't feel like you are shooting the same generic brown people over and over, unless you count the indians...but they all looked the same anyways. The textures on some of the characters look like dog shit but the main two characters look good. For some fucking reason, Thomas looks just like Christian Bale from 3:10 to Yuma...I'm calling a fucking rip off here. Christian Bale is fucking invading everything we watch and see now. Anyways the weapon models are pretty fucking nice with better and shinier guns as you move on. However, the nice part is that instead of just mirroring the weapon model for akimbo pistols, it actually renders the other fucking side of the weapon! So the graphics are really fucking impressive with great looking beautiful environments filled with tons of detail, towns and other shit in them. There are two complaints I have though. First is that some of the textures on the rocks when you get close look like someone fucking wiped their ass on my eyeballs. Seriously, this one rock formation I was close to looked like they stole a brown texture from Quake 1 it looked so bad. The next complaint, the draw distance is fucking huge in this game..but not for bushes or anything. The flora on the ground just magically fucking appears two feet in front of you. It' must be some magical universe where shit grows instantly as soon as you walk to it. Probably because of the lack of memory on the shitbox 360. Other than that though this game looks fantastic.

Sound: The gunshots in this fucking game sound awesome. With dual pistols, shotguns, and other shit it's just feels like your guns have huge power behind them when blowing the shit out of your enemies then recocking the hammer. Speaking of cocking, the dialog in this game sounds like it was written by someone with a dick in their brain. It's pretty fucking bad. Most of it is the typical mediocre dialog which is absolutely fine and understandable. However, some of the dialog and voice acting is just complete shit. Whoever wrote the dialog for that one whore ass woman is RETARDED. She sounded like she was falling into a deep retard coma with each line she delivered. Ray and Thomas sound pretty decent except for the dumbass one-liners that they toss out all the time. They argue back and forth sometimes but they repeat the same lines like a million times. "SAVE SOME FOR ME BROTHERS...well maybe if you weren't so damn slow" BLAH BLAH BLAH. I heard that line 30 fucking thousand times and you think that the brothers would be like....I'm feeling some fucking deja vu of this conversation. Other than that their voice actors are pretty decent. The third brother (forgot his name but he was a fag anyways) does the typical preacher bullshit lines you would expect. He fucking looks and sounds just like that one preacher from There Will Be Blood...quit knocking off these movies. First of all, there is no god. Second of all, people back then were retarded. The musical score in this game is pretty damn good and plays at the best scenes when it needs to. Luckily the gunshots in this game fucking sound powerful.

Gameplay: The gameplay in this game is a fucking blast actually. You get to choose from two different characters, Ray and Thomas. Ray is the badass mother fucking reverend from the first game which has armor, dual pistols, and sticks of dynamite to throw at people. Thomas is the faggot pussy who uses a rope to climb places, dies really easy like a bitch, fires slow as fuck, and uses a faggy bow. Seriously a bow? Are you gay? Luckily, the game fixes the problem with the first game when you had to play as shitty fucking Billy. You can pretty much play the game entirely as Ray and I would fucking recommend it. You will get a ton of weapons of which you can gain money and buy better ones which fire faster and do more damage. You basically run around shooting the fuck out of a million guys in every level ith your pistols, switching to your sawed-off to finish the last mother fucker with two shots. It's fucking fantastic and fills my thirst for blood. You go through towns, gorges and other areas working with your brother to kick ass. The gameplay is really fun, fast paced and filled with a ton of killing when you play as Ray who basically is a walking death machine. Unfortunately this game has regenerating health but the first game did as well so it's understandable. Anyways, playing as Ray in this game was a fucking blast as you are riding on horses shooting mexicans, or busting through a town taking out other people. The AI isn't anything too special as they basically run out, and will take cover but you can always blast the shit out of them with a well placed shot. There is also the part when you kick a door down with your brother and go into a slow-mo mode where you get chance to aim and shoot everyone in front of you. Also, as you kill people you charge up a special move with ray where you can pause time and run your cursor over everyone to have ray shoot them all extremely fast and laugh as they die at your feet. Also, the best fucking part is the standoffs in the game. You walk back and forth, pacing with an enemy until the bell rings and then you have to use your mouse to draw your gun and blow the fuck out of the other guy. It's fun as fuck. The game is pretty linear for the most part but does open for some small side missions which are really nothing special for some extra cash. For the most part you just follow your brother through places and shoot the shit out of everyone in your path. The game is also really short as well as I managed to beat it in 5 hours which sucks, because the game was fun as hell.

Story: So the game starts in the civil war with the two brothers fighting in the civil war on the south side. So already we know they are dirty racist slave owners. However, they end up leaving to protect their family from the super awesome yankees. Anyways, they desert the army and become guns for hire. Some Mexican guy helps them look for the Gold of Juarez, then the brother loves some chick, the brothers relationship starts to fall apart, the girl betrays abunch of people, The general comes back and tries to kill you guys, some Indians get involved for a medallion you need for the gold. You find the gold, Ray kills his faggot preacher brother (BAM SPOILED AGAIN YOU IDIOTS), and then the gold gets filled up and the whore has a kid, and Ray becomes a preacher. The story is ALLRIGHT, it kind of fucking makes sense but there are occasional points in time where you are questioning, why the fuck you are here. Mainly you are searching for the gold to rebuild your home, but Thomas just wants the chick to himself. Meanwhile abunch of unimportant people are double crossing each other. The story is decent but needs to be a bit clearer.

Blasting the fuck out of people with Ray in a western is good stuff 8/10

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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