Video Games Suck - Command and Conquer

Dude this game kicked ass when it came out. Fuck You EA. Fuck you for ruining a promising franchise.

So I actually haven't played this game in like almost 15 years, but since I used to play this game religiously to the point where I almost masturbated to it, and since i played it before I became an alcoholic and started forgetting things, I remember almost everything about this game. And since every time someone mentions the words 'Command' and 'Conquer' I get all nostalgic and go on and on about it, I thought I'd do a review of it. So without further ado...

Graphics: Well they were kick ass when they came out! The textures were pretty real for the time, and a lot of the units were so gutsy. Take the mammoth tank. You saw one of those things rolling down the hill and you ran the other way. The mammoth tank in C&C3 looks like a Matell toy. Thanks for shitting all over my favourite game EA. Oh, and by today's standards the game looks like ass.

Sound: DUDE the music kicks some serious ass (I'll post some links in the comment section). Amazing war songs that just make you want to wage a nice war of attrition. All the songs were un-fucking-beleivable and you never got tired of hearing them. What is it with games these days having the shittiest fuckin songs ever? Oh and the general sounds were solid too for their time.

Gameplay: Fuck me it was one hard ass game. One level you had one, that's right just one, commando to guard four engineers. You had to take out all units coming your way, plant C4 on an advanced guard tower, quickly take over the base and start building it before the enemy comes to rain in on your parade. Another level you land on the beach and come under immediate turret fire (three fuckin turrets and all I got is a handful of minigunners). So you sacrifice them and get your MCV (mobile construction vehicle) the hell out of there and build it, except by the time you build your barracks a flame tank comes and starts raping your base. Turns out the only way to win is to either build your MCV next to a tree so the flame tank goes for that instead (moron), or build a sandbag barrier so the flame tank can't break through (moron).

Story: Back in the day, before onboard audio, you had to select your audio card. Once you did that, by selecting Sound Blaster or whatever the fuck you had, this chic introduces herself in a hot as fuck accent, saying "hello, I am the Electronic Voice Agent" (hint hint).Then she guides you through the installation, you see a progress bar, and once it's complete you get a series of images. A SAM site for example, followed by whispering, then a tank, and more whispering, this speeds up until the whispers overlap and the pictures engulf the whole screen, then everything goes black, and EVA says something along the lines of "Installation Complete". The game launches, you get a news real showing how the Brotherhood of Nod (hint hint) is terrorizing the world, and the Global Defense Initiative (GDI) is a beacon of light. The signal begins to fade, and you see a Scorpion logo, then an Eagle. Finally the signal fades completely and your given a choice of going Nod (scorpion) or GDI (eagle). The story unfolds in really believable video shots. So this meteorite crashes to earth and starts consuming all organic life. The GDI claims they named it after the river Tiber where it landed, while Kane (hint hint), the charismatic leader of Nod, claims he named it after Tiberius Julius Caesar. In any case, a war is waged to try to harvest as much of tiberium as possible. The way the story is told is really cool too. So when we are first introduced to Kane, we see his right hand man Seth (hint hint) betraying him, then next thing you know, Kane blows his brains out, sits down, and says to you "so, you're the new addition to the Brotherhood". Now that's gutsy. The war goes on, depending on which side you play, either Kane gets buried under rubble when the Temple of Nod gets bombed, or Nod hacks into the GDI defense grid, and takes control of the Ion Canon, then Kane turns to you and lets you choose which city to target since you were the one to guarantee him victory. How kick ass is that!!!

So you got a solid story, amazingly fun gameplay, amazing graphics (for its time) and this is all tied together by making the experience last from the installation screen right through to the credits. 10/10