Left 4 Dead
Date: Friday, April 03 @ 01:02:16 EDT
Topic: FPS reviews

Oh shit I'm fucking super late for this one. I thought I reviewed it awhile ago but apparently I didn't. Oh well, suck my dick I don't give a shit. Anyways Valve comes out with another game that is absolute quality. Everyone says I suck Gabe Newell's dick and they may be partially right. The truth is that Valve just makes really fucking good games and if you disagree, you probably enjoy taking barbed wire up the ass. Anyways, here is the BEST zombie shooter game out there and its fucking fantastic. There's a shit ton of zombie ass kicking to be had here in Left 4 Dead. GET IT LEFT 4 DEAD? Because there's 4 people who are left? Now that's what I call clever *vomits*.

Graphics: The graphics in this game are fucking solid using the source engine. Although, there is only some new small engine features introduced for the engine this time. First of all is the environments, the game includes abunch of different types of maps which ranges from city streets, airports, office buildings, fields, sewers, and train stations. They basically did what Ubisoft doesn't know how to do and thats ADD SOME FUCKING VARIETY. There is definitely a good amount of variety in the maps which helps to keep it from feeling like you are walking around the same areas over and over. The levels are also pretty damn detailed with cars, broken shit and debris laying all over the place so it feels like it was a city. The maps all take place at night, which kind of sucks ass but it makes sense since when the fuck is a zombie invasion scary during the day time. All the models are pretty well detailed with a large variety of zombie's, so while you do see the same zombies a lot, it doesn't matter because there is a large enough variety. The models for the boomer and other special zombie types and they all have enough variety to keep it different. Anyways, the engine obviously now supports a huge number of enemies on screen as you have hundreds of zombie's running at you while you fill the fucking game with blood! There is a shit ton of blood and you can fucking paint a room full of it! It is beautiful. Also the scripted physics sequence in each campaign helps to keep things exciting but they should use it more often, such as that plane crash in the 3rd campaign. The movie posters also look pretty cool except Zoey looks fucking pregnant in three out of four of them. Anyways, the graphics are pretty damn good looking, supporting a shit ton of zombies on screen with gunshots, explosions, and blood all over the place.

Sound: The sound is fantastic and really adds to the already bucket loads of atmosphere of the game. Even though for some reasons all the characters have death screams that don't sound like any sort of human could make, the voice acting is quality. Each character has their own unique personality and it fits the game and sometimes adds in humor. And I'm glad they make comments when someone on your team shoots you because it's fucking irritating. The zombie's you can hear all over the place and they attack you, but the best part is when the rush's happen. When a horde of zombie's are coming the music kicks in and the screams get louder and more abundant and it fucking adds a ton of atmosphere to the game. There is so much atmosphere I'm going to cum. Also the weapon sounds are damn good, in that they actually have some fucking power behind the sound. I'm sick and tired of all these tinny fucking weapon sounds. However, Left 4 Dead has it right in that when I'm blowing the fuck out of a million zombies on screen, I want to hear the power of my gun blowing chunks out of them. The sound is really quality from the music to the voice acting.

Gameplay: So the gameplay consists (as of currently) of four campaigns which consists of five maps each in campaign mode, and then the versus mode which has two of the campaign modes. There is a single player mode but you have to be a lonely faggot to play that gay shit. The way the campaign mode works is that you choose a character in the shitty lobby that crashes all the time and then a difficulty and you play through the campaigns. There are two basic weapons which are the shotgun and uzi, then you get one medpack each, and along the way you will pick up either a pipe bomb (which attracts the zombie's to it) or a molotv cocktail, and pills which give a health boost. And off you fucking go battling through the campaigns, slaughtering zombies, avoiding the special zombies (boomers, smokers, tanks, hunters, and the witch). Eventually you get some better weapons such as the assault rifle, sniper rifle which sucks complete dick, and the best fucking weapon in the game, THE AUTO SHOTGUN. I get a huge fucking erection from blasting the shit out of zombies with my automatic shotgun. For some magical reason, even though I'm swinging the butt of the gun to smash a fucking zombie's jaw off I can still reload. Who gives a shit though because its compelete awesome. You get to battle through these levels killing the fuck out of these zombies to eventually make your way to the final show off where you have to defend the area for twenty fucking years for your resuce to come. There is a hospital, a shack on a shitty river, an airport, and then a farmhouse of which you have to battle the shit out of anything coming this way. And it's so much fucking fun to kill all these fucking zombies coming at you and cover yourself in the blood of your enemies. QUALITY. Valve fucking does it again by making a fucking zombie shooter which keeps you entranced and wanting to kill more and doing your best to hold out (Don't use the minigun its a fucking piece of shit).

The real fun comes in the Versus mode of which you have two teams, the survivors and then the zombies. Basically you get to play as the hunters (which jump and pounce mother fuckers and rip their intestines out), the smokers (sucks and shoot his long penis tongue out), and then the boomer which pukes on everyone and makes zombies attack,which sounds like my sex life. Occasionally you get to play as the tank and beat the shit out of anyone in your way. And it's a fucking blast trying to stop the other team from advancing and pouncing the shit out of them. This mode needs more fucking maps to play through such as all of the campaigns because at the current moment their isn't enough content. Anyways, this game is a fucking blast shooting the fuck out of all the zombies and it's better if you are playing with your friends as you can tell to shut the fuck up and cover you while you heal. Aweomsely fun.

Story: There really isn't a story at all unless you count HEY You are fucking here and now you need to battle all the way over THERE to escape. There really is no reason why the same four people get trapped in various locations all with abunch of zombie's but who gives a shit! It's fun.

Fun as hell, but needs a bit more content 9/10

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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