Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X.
Date: Wednesday, April 01 @ 22:27:08 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews

God dammit Ubisoft. Fuck you. All the games you make SUCK. I can't remember the time you released a fucking game that didn't make me want to fucking vomit. Then you abuse this Tom Clancy bullshit name to make the game sell and make abunch of terrible games out of it. Honestly, Ubisoft makes the most shallow, crappiest, shittiest games and this game is just another step in that direction. Prepare yourself for the arcadey flight simulator that is Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X. This game is typical Ubisoft bullshit. I bet if Tom Clancy knew this game had his name on it, it would make him shoot himself.

Graphics: Here we go, the best part right there are the graphics. Atleast they did this right because the graphics are pretty damn nice looking. The levels are pretty large sandbox levels with various cities or locations rendered beneath your jet and it looks very nice. It actually makes it seem like you might be flying above a largely populated area. The models for the jets and other various vehicles you see throughout the game are all sufficiently detailed and look quite sharp. The weapon effects, and the flying effects all look just fantastic. The graphics in this game are definitely very sharp looking. However, there is a problem because its Ubisoft. Instead of making varied levels, they all feel and look exactly the same. You are in a big square box with a city or *INSERT VARIOUS BUILDING TYPE* underneath as you simply fly around in it. Sure the graphics look great with the large cities being rendered underneath, but it fucking sucks when every map is EXACTLY the fucking same. It is called intelligence and art design to be used in conjunction with one another in order to add VARIETY. But Ubisoft wouldn't really know about variety because they make the same shitty Tom Clancy games over and over. Anyways, the graphics are definitely very nice in this game and very sharp looking.

Sound: Like every fucking Tom Clancy/Ubisoft game the dialog is FUCKING TERRIBLE. It is so fucking bad I don't know how anyone can stand listening to it. It makes B-movie dialog seem deep and interesting. Seriously they range from your stupid ass team saying things like "Hey, you need to go in and protect this place because the rebels blah blah blah blah MY VOICE IS FUCKING BORING AND I SOUND LIKE SHIT BECAUSE I WAS PAID TWO CENTS TO FUCKING DO THIS SO SUCK MY DICK" Atleast, thats what it sounded like when I drifted off into a deep slumber because the dialog is so utterly crap. It has to be written by a fucking two year old. The voice acting doesn't help the situation when you have the same generic male and female voices sound like their trying to force this lame ass words out. They also repeat the same fucking phrases when things are being attacked and it gets game. "You got tanks coming in" FOUR HUNDRED BILLION FUCKING TIMES. WE GET IT. The music also sounds decent at the beginning until you realize it just repeats the same background noise kind of song over and over. What happened to the days when the music in a game was GOOD? Deus Ex/Baldur's Gate/System Shock 2/Half-Life alll had fucking songs that got stuck in your head and really added to the atmosphere. The music in this game is just to fucking fill up background noise so you don't get bored with no sound.

Gameplay: I thought this game was actually pretty fun at first. It was fun flying around in an arcadey game locking onto to targets, shooting your missles at helicopters, stopping whatever is on the ground from getting attacked. It got even better when there was other jets to fight against and dodge their missles by following a light up path-thingy. Then I played the 2nd level, then the 3rd, and then the 4th and by then the game was pretty much over. Not only is this game shorter than my tiny fucking dick, you do the SAME SHIT every level. This is unfucking acceptable now days. You just fly around in a sand box area in your jet, lock on your missles or use your machine guns to protect an area from incoming vehicles. Thats all you do every level and it gets lame. Of course you get better controlling and flying jets along the way, but it doesn't help they give you the best jet in the first level and then stick you with a piece of shit. Anyways, the controls for the mouse are FUCKED...its way to sensitive and it doesn't seem this turd console port allows for anyway to change it. So thats the entire game, you fly a jet and lock onto things on the ground or in front of you. Seriously, its basically the game Asteroid, in 3 dimensions. It gets so incredibly boring just flying locking on the same enemies and shooting a missle. MIX IT UP. AGAIN VARIETY. Oh wait...its Ubisoft.

Story: The story in this game seriously takes garbage to a new level. You start out on some AWESOME SUPER FUCKING COOL jet team and UH-OH...they get disbanded. So this randomy agency hires you to do some shit for them...and then I feel alseep because its just a generic story. It honestly sucks...what happened to real stories in games? The story here is just a bullshit way to attempt to throw these shitty box levels together in some sort of coherent manner.


Now a word on Tom Clancy games: Seriously, knock it the FUCK OFF. No one wants anymore Tom Clancy games especially since all of them past Rainbow Six 3 have sucked my dick so hard it pulled my testicles out my shaft. Look at this fucking list.

Tom Clancy's EndWar

Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X.

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Desert Siege

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Island Thunder

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Jungle Storm

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon 2

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon 2: Summit Strike

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Rogue Spear

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Rogue Spear: Urban Operations

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Rogue Spear: Black Thorn

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six 3: Raven Shield

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six 3: Rogue Spear: Athena Sword

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six 3: Rogue Spear: Iron Wrath

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six 3: Black Arrow

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Critical Hour

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Lockdown

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Vegas

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Vegas 2

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Essentials

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Double Agent

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Conviction

THATS WAY TOO MANY TOM CLANCY GAMES AND MOST OF EM SUCK. I feel bad for the fag on wikipedia who actually put that list together. Honestly, what a fag. Anyways, These games suck and ubisoft sucks at making games. Rainbow Six was awesome until it was ruined by that piece of shit Vegas. Lets take a sweet tactical game and take all the cool tactical parts out of it and make it a shitty B-movie style game with a shitty cover systems. Gears of War really fucked up in that now everything copies their stupid ass cover system. STOP IT. THEY ALL USE THAT AND ITS OLD NOW. Anyways, fuck Ubisoft and fuck Tom Clancy games.

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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