Video Games Suck

The brilliant minds at Codemasters have done it again. Finally a decent racing game that doesn't make me want to shit crackers into a cat's mouth. This is pretty much the first review I've ever written on something, so let's hope it doesn't suck like a soggy Saigon whore. I'm going to keep this review relatively simple.

Graphics: Okay, these have to be the best racing graphics I've seen. Ever. The motion blur, as well as the other Post Processing effects are flawless, the cars reflect the environment like a fucking mirror, the shadows are high resolution and as dynamic as my hairy nutsack. Particle effects, all that heeber jeeber is better than grandmas cooking. After five minutes of playing I jizzed so hard it shot a hole through my fucking Hanes and broke my screen. That's how beautiful they were.

Sound: The sounds are okay, but the cars could have sounded a little better, they weren't very..."Manly" Instead of purring like Tiger, they kind of purred like a...Gopher. I'm the kind of guy that enjoys hardcore engine sounds that sound like one of those ass cheek slapping farts. Take a chair, pull your ass down to the chair, and push. Those are the sounds I like in a car. The menu music is .pretty kickass, but when you finish a race, the music for the results menu is this cheesy ass Japanese fast techno. I hate hearing it and I have to mash the Enter key just to get it to shutup and continue.

Gameplay: The game play is okay, but if you don't have a controller, don't make the mistake of using your keyboard for driving. Trying to drive a car with a rectangle with buttons is like trying to figure out a good analogy to compare driving a car with a keyboard with. It's pointless and like me, you are pretty much getting no where. You'd be better off driving a bar of soap. The thing I do like is how you can actually adjust the handling realism. It has all these complex ass options. I didn't know what the fuck I was looking at.

My rating: Overall this game was pretty badass, plus it has crash physics unlike Need for Speed. EA=Electronic Ass. EA Games blows. Period. THIS GAME GETS AN 8.5/10 for me, because even though it has things I don't like, nothing has been said about this game that that hasn't already been said about Chuck Norris.