Infernal
Date: Wednesday, March 14 @ 11:54:26 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews


This game sucks so hard it swallows a bukkake load of cum. From horses. So Playlogic comes out with some third person shooter except you get DEMON POWERS. Thank god they are so original.... only problem is playing this game is almost like someone is holding you down while dropping a fat load of diarrhea into your mouth.

Graphics: Well this about the only positive part of the game. The graphics are pretty damn good in this game and it runs quite smoothly even with all the details turned up. The lighting has HDR all over the place and looks pretty well done. The textures are pretty sharp looking as well and the models are well done. So the graphics on the technical level are pretty well executed using the latest shaders,HDR, and high poly models which is nice. Now we go to the artistic level. All the fucking bad guys look exactly the fucking same. Every damn enemy is some bald-headed faggot monk with a gun. I thought Monks fought with this fist? Doesn't fucking matter because I would just shoot their fucking fist into oblivion. Then some of the bosses look exactly the same as the monks save for the fact he was wearing armor. Can't they fucking think of some better variation of enemies? You know atleast maybe add some fucking hair to one of the enemies? Pubic Hair? It doesn't matter. Then we get the environment. Its like I'm fucking playing DOOM 3 again with this game. Walk through the same corridor and cloisters over and over until you want to puke up that diarrhea they already unleashed into your mouth. So the graphics on a technical level are pretty well done but on the artistic level they suck dick.


Sound: The problem with the sound is the characters and the game try to take it self entirely serious but the characters in the game talk like they don't realize they are stuck inside of a bag of fucking dicks forever. First of all the enemy chatter is more annoying than a woman who won't shut up and cook. They say COMPLETELY USELESS things like "He's HERE!" then get radio reply back "Orders are to shoot him." No fucking shit? Shoot me? What the hell else you going to do? Escort me to dinner? Suck me off? Then the chatter between your guy and the boss is lame and annoying as well. The dialog is pretty much meaningless in this game. The music sucks dick as well, you fire one bullet by accident and the techno starts blazing like you just got into a massive fire fight with 500 men. The sound is pretty much lame.


Gameplay: Ok so its a third person shooter and you have super demon powers that use mana. Lets Take a look at these powers. Stronger Bullets:Lame. Teleportation: Been Done before, Extreme lame in game. Infernal Vision: Lets you see hidden things. Why the hell is a keycode to a door written on the fucking wall in blue? Moving on to the controls. This guy controls like a fucking brick. He moves slow and like he has a gigantic dildo shoved up his ass the entire time. Couple this with the WORST COVER SYSTEM EVER and you have some crappy slow boring gameplay afoot. Seriously, when you cover up against a wall I thought it was going to be like gears of war or rainbow six 4, but no. Instead he fucking POPS HIS ENTIRE FUCKING BODY OUT to shoot and takes fucking forever doing it. This guy is supposed to be some special tactical guy? Not that it matters though because the AI is like a retarded clown on a unicycle. I never used the cover system and just ran right up the enemies and shot them. You know why? Because they just sit there against the wall when you run right up and shoot them. OH BUT FEAR NOT, THEY WILL ALSO DIVE BACKWARDS INTO WALLS! It is like they want you to kill them. Then you use your thingy to drain their souls which gives you health, mana, and ammo. However, this fucking takes forever and doing it three times after you kill a group of guys gets incredibly lame. The puzzles are completley stupid and basically consist of you going to find a stupid keycard for a door. Oh, and get this, I climbed a fucking ladder and accidentally didn't go back down right and I fell. OH GOD I DIED. I have super fucking demon powers but I die from a fucking 10 foot ladder fall? Worst fucking demon powers ever. There is also times when these super duper lights will shine and drain your mana. They never really explain why..... its just that they do. So you have to shoot them out to get mana back. Although it seems like they completley forgot about adding when they continued making the game. Last of all is AEGIA PHYSICS SUCK DICK. Seriously the explosions like make shit fly out of fucking areas that WERE NOT EVEN NEAR an explosive box. Also you can blow apart a bridge with explosives only, but you can't shoot a damn lock off a door.....Amazing. Aegia I hope you fucking go out of business because the PHYSX card is a pile of crap that no one wants. Gameplay is PISS FUCKING POOR.


Story: You are a guy, then a bar gets shot up, and then you get demon powers from a guy who wants you to get information. That is pretty much the story in a nut shell. They really took much time to put together a deep and engaging story line that they don't explain or give you any clues on. Who cares.

Well....if it wasn't for the terrible ai, piss poor controls, lame puzzles maybe the game wouldn't suck? 4/10





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