Date: Saturday, October 14 @ 14:38:36 EDT
Topic: RTS Reviews
Eh, it dosent suck but it dosent own... ok well it kinda sucks... say hi to your sister for me.
Gameplay: eh, its like playing sim city, but like older and shit. ya, and shit. also if you take a botlle cap of cocaine and plug it up your ass and then take a canister of Co2 and back that up your ass as well, then you get a little supprize while your playing this game. they call it a columbian pinyata.
well the gameplay can get complex, and when i say can i mean you have to play it for 3 days before they give you the good shit. its like waiting for your background check at the gun shop and then blowing the gun dealer away as soon as it checks out ok. no... its more like fucking your mom with a dry wall stilt. no, wait, its more like getting fingerd in the asshole all night to the point where you get that feeling as if your about to get-off in another 10 mins but thats all you get... nothing close to an orgazam. the UI and layout of the game is kinda retarded, you have to click a building icon like 6 times before it does anything and its really easy to lose the fucking selection you made which makes you have to go back and click another 6 times to get the fucking patrician villa your just dying to build. there is a nice index of options and buildings and decoration and shit you have at your disposal but theres one slight problem: YOU HAVE NO FUCKING ROOM TO PLACE ANYTHING. i guess the game designer drew some complex mathamatical equation on the bulding sizes/land size ratio based on the ability that he can fit a maximum of 3 cocks up his ass... which isnt that much. also, this games lacks the "torture yoru citizens" aka "natural disaster" option sim city has.
Grafix: Eh, the textures are clear and they have shit like Anti Alising and shit but the people and buildings are kinda low poly and the textures look allitle cartoonish and shit. ya, and shit. well, the buildings look OK but the people look like little walking shards of glass as if some fucking whore droped her glass dildo and all the peices started coming to life like in disney's fantasia.
Sound: ok well, this is not too bad, not too good either. the ambient sounds of the city are done well. the rest of the shit is average, not bad but average. the voice acting for all your political advisors dosent sound like michael jackson talking to a boy he molested over the phone.
Story: no fucking story. you build shit. you manage shit. you fucking die. oh shit that sounds like my dads life right there.