Mage Knight Apocalypse
Date: Sunday, October 08 @ 23:01:34 EDT
Topic: RPG Reviews


What a fucking dirty pile of shit. Its games like this that make me want to create a gigantic robot to destroy earth or atleast their development studios. This is one of the worse excuses for an RPG i have ever seen.

Graphics: This game looks like dirty dog shit. Basically the whole game is one long linear pathway of boring bland looking shit. You are usually either in a crappy dark forest or in some plain battling your way through fucking terrible character design and low res textures. First of all, all the models for characters you can play are completley generic and garbage, they have absolutley no inspiration or any to not look like a piece of shit. Second, the enemies also look like plain dog shit with some of the absolute worst character design you have ever seen. You either fight your stupid ass looking generic orc or possibly a fucking boar with arms... seriously now, someone needs to punch the guy who designed that in the face. The enviornments are just bland as hell and completley devoid of anything except maybe some terrible looking trees, a tent, or a box. You basically feel like you are running through a forest by someone who decided to smear shit along your monitor. It even has the same smell. Even the HUD in this damn game is ugly as hell. So basically the graphics look like battered mother.


Sound: Well well well what the hell are you expecting? 5.1 DTS THX Ceretified surround sound with the most epic soundtrack you have ever heard in your life? Well instead you get the absolute faggiest voice actors for human males ever. Seriously everytime the guy gets hit he gives out a soft moan that sounds like a little girl getting raped with duct tape over her mouth. The voice actor sounds like a major pussy and probably is one due to the fact that he was actually willing to do voices for this pile of shit. The rest of the script/voice acting from other various characters is the same basic crap you would except from any game. Its pretty much on par with the voice acting from Dungeon Siege 2 (aka garbage). The soundtrack is a joke, if the sound wasn't broken and it didn't just cut out randomly.


Gameplay: The gameplay is so fucking bad that i can't even think of something to compare it to. Lets just say if i compared the gameplay in this game to another human they would comit suicide by choking to death on a pile of feces having been known being compared to this game. Maybe this game is a gigantic april fools joke that was a few months too late. So you pretty much do everything with the mouse, click to move, click to attack, right click to use a secondary skill. The secondary skills are just stupid generic shit with lame fancy names. Holy Strike is basically the same damn thing adding damage to your originall strike. They all fucking suck. The controls in this game and the character movement is so fucking clunky my testicles fucking hurt. The attack animations are choppy pieces of shit just like the controls. You will play this and your fingers will melt to the mouse knowing you have spent fucking 50 dollars on something that is the equilivant of a steaming goat-turd. The whole game you just run in a straight line clicking on guys until they duy with the CLUNKIEST pile of shit controls ever. Then the leveling up is just lame, its supposed to be a dynamic leveling system that levels up depending on what the player uses. Its fucking stupid, your stats basically just increase from hitting shit.... all of them. Thank god this stupid box i broke upped my wisdom. Must have a been a fucking damn smart box. The AI is also a fucking travesty. The enemies will do either one of two things... stand there doing nothing.... or stand there and attack you. The EXTREMLY clunky controls, bad ai, linear gameplay, and lame ass leveling up system just bore the absolute shit out of anyone.


Story: I have no fucking idea, didnt play this piece of shit long to care. Not to mention the title of the of the game basically infers you are in for a massive bukkake of garbage story telling.

Either i got the wrong copy of the game or someone shit blood into a box and sold it. 0/10





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