The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Date: Monday, April 03 @ 19:56:16 EDT
Topic: RPG Reviews


Fuck yeah the sequel to morrowind. Grab your swords and get ready to slice some titties as this game kicks some huge ass!

Graphics: Holy shit this game has the best fucking graphics to date. Anyone who says otherwise either has a shit PC or likes to whine to hell like all the fucking europeans are good at. First of all the caves and ruins all have amazing fucking architechture and incredible lighting. Not to mention pixel shaders being used everywhere on the rocks and such in doors. The skeletons, goblins, etc all look just fucking incredible. I thought a real crab was actually snipping at my balls until i sunk my huge ass sword between its head. Take that shithead. Then you go into the cities where each city has its each own unique style and just looks FUCKING amazing. Everything has tons of detail... food, plates forks all lying on a table with candles (just like in morrowind). The gothic style citadal in the cities as well is fucking incredible looking. Then you go outside into the lush fields full of either bandits or wild life with trees and shit everyone AND TONS of grass. As of now no one can really turn this game to full details with the draw distance to the max as your PC would take a dump on you then commit seppuku and beat up your mother. The swords and and armor are all highly detailed and it just looks plain amazing.

Now there is some negatives.. such as the performance as the game runs about as fast as granny with a walker after shes hopped up on vicodin. Of course i read abunch of whining on how the game doesn't look the best.... and expect to run the game on full details with there 2 year old video card. Well guess what fuck face! IT CANT! Quit whining like a stupid pussy because a game was made that your shitty old ass card cant handle now (or anyones). Then they use stupid excuses like "well other games look blah blah and it runs it fine)" Well guess what you sloppy vagina, this game doesn't. No other game uses this many 3d sprites to render huge fucking grassy fields/plants and trees. So shut the fuck up. This game looks simply amazing and if you disagree you clearly brush your teeth with dick. The only complaints about the graphics anyone could have is the animations can sometimes be crappy and the neck part of the model looks like someone popped the head off a doll then tried to put it back on without anyone noticing. Besides soon tons of mods will come out and fix all the problems and probably keep updating the game with better looking graphics.


Sound: The sound varies throughout the game. The speech and the dialouge is all fine and sounds all fine. The best part is the clashing of the swords and the armor or shield. When you hit a guy and he screams as you put your sword through him. Take that fuck face. The music fits the game fine but gets a tad repetitive. The only other complaint is the shitty fucking enviornmental audio is garbage. A guy 5 feet away i cant fucking hear at all. Horseshit. Other than that its fine


Gameplay: Hell yeah the best fucking part of the game. First of all they added fast travel back in so i dont have to fucking run around every where like in morrowind. The fighting system is improved hugely with power attacks. I fucking charge at a guy slice him with my sword then he fucking bursts into flames while i cut him 10 times more in mid air falls to the ground and instantly turns into a fucking steak dinner. Thats how much my warrior rocks. The fighting is just so much better than in morrowind that you should kill yourself. There is tons of differnet classes not to mention you can customize your own. There is tons of different armor, weapons, and spells to shit aorund with. There is TONS of caves, ruins, oblivion gates to go and do shit around. Not to mention theres the guilds which you can join and have tons of quests to do. This game is packed with so much gameplay your mom just fisted your dog. You can join the fighters guild and kick some ass or the dark brotherhood and kill some people just because they suck. You level up by using your major skills more and can become experts or masters in them and if you didn't know this you must be gay.

The hud system is completley gay though. The hugely consoley text pisses me off and the invetory system is completley retarded which is for the people using consoles (they are retards). There is a mod though to make the text size smaller and hopefully someone comes out with a smaller hud. Also they simplified the armor sets which blows ass. The sets only consist of 5 pieces instead of 12. Who made that stupid ass decision?


Story: Some turd burglers try to kill the emperor and they succeed. Now you are left to be a super duper shit head and find the heir then protect the whole stupid useless town from OBLIVION. Everyone in the town is too stupid and useless so you are stuck doing everything. A real badass would have killed the heir and crowned himself emperor of everything. The story is ok and Martin is clearly a lover of dick.

The game kicks ass (but not as good as morrowind) 9/10





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