The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay
Date: Sunday, December 19 @ 15:56:37 EST
Topic: FPS reviews


OK so we all know Vin Diesel is a terrible fucking actor and looks like a homosexual and probably is one also. So someone makes a game where you play a homosexual trying to break out of prison... you think he would want to stay if you catch my drift.

Graphics: Ok the graphics are quite good with quite a few high resolution textures and the models dont look bad either. They also use bump mapping and stencil shadows and this new technology called assface which they applied greatly on Vin Diesel AKA RIDDICK THE DICK SUCK. There is some other things though like you can see the damn models change from the distance you are away from them. OH LOOK THAT FIRE EXTINGUISHER IS LIKE 10 POLYS then you move closer and watch the piece of shit changes models right in front of you...lame. Also the shadows seem to clip the models and cause little turd streaks all over everyone. So the graphics get bland and boring areas and makes you feel cramped. AWESOME i love walking down numerous hall ways with nothing..no wonder it runs so well its only rendering maybe a fucking plant and nothing else besides the rest of the level. Otherwise it doesn't look bad except for that crap i said up there.


Sound: So the sound isn't anything special and the voice acting is all decent and so are the weapon sounds. The sound is just average.. atleast it doesnt sound like a dead animal trying to pop a womans cherry. That doesnt make sense. The only annoying thing is Riddick AKA Cum Faced Diesel sounds like a retard who belongs in special ed school. He talks like a fucking moron, slow and its just plain annoying.


Gameplay: So the gameplay isn't bad at all which fucking surprised me. What? Vin Diesel with no cock in his mouth? Amazing! The fighting system is good for a first person shooter and im glad i can beat the shit out of someone with knuckle dusters. You can swing like 300 times and beat the shit out of the people without even giving them a chance. But then we go to the gun combat...Omg what a piece of shit. The guns are all completley lame and it takes like 300 shots in a guys testicles just to kill him. What the fuck the gun fights are just so lame and incredibly boring. Also the stealth is lame as hell. NO ONE LIKES STEALTH and if you do well im afraid you are a faggot. The gameplay is fun when you are doing missions and shit without the whole stealth gayness and gun fights.


Story: You are Vin Diesel and you are being arrested for being a faggot. You then get your ass butchered by 20 guys in butcher bay (GET IT? EH? EH?) and because you dont like gay sex anymore, which he does it just needed a plot, you decide you are going to bust out.

The game is fun but the stealth and gunfights were pure gayness 7/10





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